Transformers: Age of Extinction

Transformers: Age of Extinction

The Intro: Well, we delve yet again into what is the now the fourth installment into the world of the Transformer's film mythos, brought to you courtesy of that fabled artist who specializes exclusively in all things "boom," Michael Bay. What aspects of this "new" film stands bright in the sun, and what regretfully remains locked firmly in Bay's dark gimp closet? Find out, dear reader...right...NOW!

The Good: Giant friggin' robots beating other giant friggin' robots with giant friggin' robot guns. Thats still cool, right? Right?? Well, since this is "The Good" section, I'll leave what was bad for later. There is a part of many a testosterone driven moviegoer who desires fun action without having to turn on a single brain cell or microbe of thought to enjoy. I find myself occasionally giddy with joy when i can FEEL the explosive sound of robot metal crunching in my chest. Those are truly immersive film moments that put you squarely in the middle of the action. Moments like that remind me why the theater is THE place to watch movies. Your mom and dad's basic home entertainment system will never compare to the experiential phenomenon of a 70-foot screen, 4K front projector and full Dolby Atmos surround sound. Transformers: Age of Extinction is a perfect reminder of that fact. And for that reminder, I say "thanks." Okay, what else...OH! Voice work. The return of Peter Cullan as the voice of Autobot leader and all-around good guy Optimus Prime is superb. Of course, you would hope that voicing the character for the last several decades would provide some insight as to how to deliver a natural and personalized vocal performance. This new installment also features a somewhat new and star-studded vocal cast, featuring such talents as John Goodman and Ken Watanabe, who bring a certain gravitas that thus-far has been lacking in this film series. Mark Walburg replaces Shia Lebouf as the central human character, and the best thing I can say is this: NO MORE OF THE LEBOUF!!! If this film has no other redeeming qualities, it at least finally dismisses the box office black hole that has become Shia Lebouf. His involvement with the series stopped making sense after the initial film.

The Bad: I bet you thought I just forgot to finish "The Good" segment and moved on. Well, sadly dear reader, that simply is not the case. That was all the good I had to say about the positive qualities of this new Transformers. There have been only a handful of films where have I have been actively been aware that I am watching a movie. "Age of Extinction" can now count itself amongst that highly exclusive list. While in the middle of the movie, I couldn't help but start wondering if this was the fourth or fifth Transformers film. I spent the next ten minutes talking to myself trying to find the answer to this all-important question. By the time finished reminiscing about how many films I have witnesses a gratuitous Michael Bay "butt shots" featuring past lady eye candy of the month members Megan Fox and Rosie Huntington-Whitley, I returned to a landscape of fast paced and nauseating action set pieces. I realized I had missed literally no important plot point during my mental absence. It dawned on me that, much like I, the popcorn epic itself literally did not care to invest in its own story. The "story" only served its own purposes to transition to new scenes of explosives and gun-gasmns. And to that, I can say...fine, I can deal with that. You don't pay 12 bucks to watch a Transformers film based on its emotional depth and dramatic intricacies. You pay 12 bucks to see some shiznit turn into smaller shiznit through the process of boom. Cool. I can dig it. But, yet again, I found myself B-O-R-E-D to tears by just how many hollow scenes of action there actually were. If you are going to make something that is supposed to just be awesome, please at least succeed at being awesome!! Don't be boring, which, I'm sorry to say, Transformers: Age of Extinction is. From rural Texas to Chicago to Bangkok and several places in between, I find myself yawning and wondering how many more unnamed robots in whom I have no personal emotional investment I have to witness be torn asunder before I can get my obligatory free 120oz popcorn and extra large diet Mr. Pibb refills, all before heading home to console my broken film heart with a double feature of The Lego Movie and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Transformers: Age of Extinction is a reminder to me that we are currently living in what I call a film slump. A very few standout movies aside, the last few summer movie seasons have left me waxing sentimental for such glorious summer movie seasons as 2008. Where are the surprises? Where is the fun? Yeah, Captain America: the Winter Soldier was an amazing movie, even by summer movie standards. But, one or two great films does not a successful summer season make. I digress. Back to Transformers. Among the many things this film does poorly is its inability to give us anybody or any thing to truly root against! Is the bad guy Galvatron? Megatron? Lockdown? Kelsy Grammer? A seemingly endless supply of baddy drones? The human race? Space god-creators? Inanimate objects turned projectiles? Beats by Dr. Dre? In short, yes. To all of them. They are all THE BAD GUYS! Which means one thing, you never end up caring about any of them at all. Without a central antagonist, you never become invested in what the protagonists struggle to achieve. Because of this, the entire point of the movie is rendered moot, and so is any reason to continue watching. Oh, and I almost forgot. It is becoming more apparent that Michael Bay's understanding of how to develop characters without depending on stereotypes is...lacking. From the creator of the second Transformers controversial "Twins" characters, who relied heavily on what many considered super offensive racial stereotypes, comes Ken Watanabe's Drift. This character draws so unabashedly on Japanese samurai imagery that I found myself distracted with such thoughts as "how did this alien robot become so rooted in Japanese culture," "was he already Japanese before he came to earth?," and "why would a robot who has access to space age projectile weapons decide that a knife would be advantageous in fighting the biggest friggin' robots I've ever seen??" It is just another reminder that I'm not the biggest fan of Michael Bay as a filmmaker.

The Verdict: Wow, that was a pretty harsh way to conclude "The Bad" segment. But an honest one. Look, if in eight months you find yourself scrolling through your Direct TV or Fios cable listings and happen to see a listing for "Extinction," go ahead and switch over for a few minutes and remember past glories of the first Transformers film and... nope, all the others were bad too. But, save yourself as much money as you can and skip seeing Transformers: Age of Extinction in theaters. Its a film that makes you angry that you cant even enjoy robots punching each other to death, and only serves as a creepy and misguided indicator that you may be growing a bit too old for that specific brand of frivolity. I wouldn't wish that kind of thought on my worst enemy.

The Grade: D-  TransFAIL

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

2011 saw the release of a prequel to the original 1968 film Planet of the Apes, aptly titled Rise of the Planet of the Apes. This reviewer went into that film highly skeptical of what I would find, and was not unsurprised when I found myself not hating it. Three years later, and we now have as sequel to that prequel, which actually still exists as a prequel to the 1968 film, only now slightly less so. Set 10 years after the events of Rise, Dawn finds central ape character Caesar, portrayed by Andy Serkis (more on Serkis later) leading a rag-tag group of highly evolved apes into a ape-topia (my first ape pun!). When a band of human survivors of a wold-wide killer virus stumble upon the chimp-ciety (second), hilarity ensues. Will the two groups band together and find their simian-arities (third!!), or will war fester. I'd say more, but I don't want to go off on a oranga-tangent (FOURTH!)

The Good: There is so much to enjoy in Dawn that I'm finding it difficult to begin. The single best aspect of this movie is derived from a man we actually never see in the flesh. Andy Serkis is a man whose influence on film during the past decade will be felt for...ever. In film history books, Serkis will have his own chapter, he is that important. Yet, you may have never seen his face. Through the ever-evolving technology of motion capture, this man is Dawn's central character, Caesar. Serkis brings a level of nuisance, finesse and depth to the Mo-Cap art form that whatever he does, that becomes the new standard. Nobody can do what Serkis does, time and time again. Utilizing vocal techniques, facial control, and full body movement Mo-Cap processes, Serkis brings a chimp character to life in a way that truly connects you to a CGI creation. Rounding out the formidable cast is the formidable Jason Clarke, Keri Russell and my personal actor man crush, Gary Oldman. Clarke is quickly making a name for himself as a fantastic actor. In combination with Oldman, they certainly don't monkey around (boo me, that was terrible!). As for the story elements, we are finally treated to the real reason apes became the dominant species in the film series, and it actually makes sense! How director Matt Reeves takes an overarching story of apes outlasting humans and makes it not only plausible, but totally compelling. The dynamic interplay between ape-ape, ape-human, and human-human interaction is masterfully weaved in such a way as to create a beautiful character landscape upon which to tell this story. Of course, to tell this story, you must also make it look as real as possible. When half of your cast are CG apes, that can be a challenge. However, Weta Digital is always up to this task, and is on the forefront of making this technology as photo-realistic as possible. To them, I say bravo. Oh! One moooore thing (a nod to all you Jackie Chan Adventures fans out there), if you enjoy, speak or are learning sign language, like this reviewer, then you also might appreciate the level to which the apes communicate with each other through the use of this language.

The Bad: Well, what can I say here? As good as Weta's work is, it's not 100%, 100% of the time. This is super nit picky, but occasionally a viewer can be taken out of a moment by something that doesn't look real. It's our job as moviegoers to suspend reality and disbelief. We aren't perfect either. Digital production houses make this job easier, but we are still discovering what this technology is truly capable of. Every year we progress to something better, and it is an amazing time for this kind of filmmaking, but there's still progress that must be made. One other aspect that may be controversial is the open-ended nature of the film. How it ends lends itself to further stories. When combined with subsequent sequels, cool! Right now? I want more. That's not even necessarily a bad thing, it's not for me, but there may be some viewers that want a more finished story. Not I. I like the ending, what whatever. Stop reading if you hate me for it, I dare you!! (Please don't go, I need readers!!!!)

The Verdict: Go see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. You will not regret any money you spend to enjoy this film. It goes a long way to take the taste of Transformers: Age of Extinction out of your mouth. See it. Now. Are you seeing it yet? Do you want another pun? Better hurry, while you're in your prime-mate! You chimply should go see it now. You wouldn't want me to burst your ba-boon and tell you the ending would you? Seriously go now.

The Grade: A:  Chimptastic